As a 4 year old, this was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I think I talked about it for days.
This is still funny to me.
"Single and ready to flamingle.”
I’ve put together a simple chart that explains the various ways you should and shouldn’t summon a waiter over to your table, and the service you’re likely to receive accordingly.
Because if one more middle aged, obnoxious asshole goes “hey you!” and snaps their fingers at me, I WILL snap said person’s neck.
I waitressed my way through college and one night this guy yells at me “Oi! you with the tits!” and my co-worker Matthew walked up to him and said “yes?”
The first thing Snape asks Harry is “Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?” According to Victorian Flower Language, asphodel is a type of lily meaning ‘My regrets follow you to the grave’ and wormwood means ‘absence’ and also typically symbolized bitter sorrow. If you combined that, it meant ‘I bitterly regret Lily’s death’.
Claw trap. Touch that belly and you’ll have a permanent kitty attached to your forearm
- apollo: i'm not a regular god i'm a cool god
- artemis: don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise? ok, now everybody take some rubbers
- zeus: i'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular
- iris: i wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... i wish i could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...
- kronos: zeus, i'm sorry i called you a gap-toothed bitch. it's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
- hermes: and none for luke castellan... bye!